Why am I cooking?

This is a multi-part answer which I’ll address in multiple posts. To boil it down, I lost my mind, I lost my job, I lost my Mother-in-law, and the overwhelm took a toll.

I don’t know about you, but figuring out medication for ADHD is hard. In April 2024, I received an ADHD diagnosis. At the same time, My mother-in-law, Eileen Benedict, was in her first round of chemo. At the time, I was working at a job where my colleague had left on paternity leave 2 weeks after our new boss started. Already, that is a lot.

I managed as best as a could, changing medication while trying to unlearn how I’ve functioned for the last 43 years while learning healthier coping mechanisms. For those of you blessed to have a brain that functions typically, I want you to imagine that you believe everyone hates you (even your family and friends), you are not doing enough, you are too much for everyone to handle, and on top of that, you’ve been called lazy, sensitive, and weird for your entire life.

The way most neurodivergent people cope is by learning not to trust their instincts, but to do everything possible to hide in the midst of a sea of normal people. This is basically referred to as “masking”. When you start medication, the mask drops and the struggling begins.

Med 1: Concerta
I began taking Concerta and immediately felt different. I was able to focus, and I was very productive, however, sometime around 4pm the meds wore off and I couldn’t string 2 sentences together.

Med 2: Dextroamphetamine
Starting this medication lines up with the new boss and taking on the entire department while my colleague was on paternity leave. This medicine made me feel and act absolutely crazy. My emotional regulation was nil. My ability to focus was great, but my anxiety was through the roof. The medication took my normal work stress and amplified it by 1000. I cried literally everyday. I didn’t realize this medication was not working until after I was laid off.

I stopped taking this med after losing my job, and suddenly I was me again.

Med 3 and 4: Wellbutrin and Vyvanse
Praise Baby Jesus! This one works for me. Gotta love a cocktail.
I can focus, I can let things go, I can be kind to myself. I can breathe.

I share all of that to say this: grace is so important when you’re figuring out your medication. You need supportive people in both your personal and professional lives while figuring it out. I think that many people feel that kindness doesn’t have a place at work, but I think the opposite. Kindness is essential.

For anyone at my old job that I offended during this transition period, I am sorry. For anyone at my old job wondering if I am okay. I can finally say that yes, I am okay.